This is about mike malone

He is “working” on the third part of the ryan gish story, it will be up soon, sorry about the wait… i bet the suspense is killing you… i’m predicting he will probably include something about bruce springstein because he can’t get enough of that shit.

xo

a prophet named Wes:

Jamiroquaism is very non-complex (simple). Just the way our god wanted this world to be, but it was enshrouded by many evils including the idea of a sanctuary. Humans and all living things were especially evolved for, and around this planet just as the relationship between the disintegration of the land, the creation of a great overhang and a river result in a beautiful waterfall. We have poverty, we have starving people and we have global warming but still there are millions, if not billions, of dollars going to the creation of these sanctuaries (churches). Thats why Jamiroquists believe that the earth itself is a worthy enough sanctuary for our needs. And as an added bonus, we don’t have to seclude ourselves from the world, and in turn, we are intouch with what’s really going on in our world. This is not a religion, but a way of life, we dont do it for an image, we don’t do it for money and we don’t do it for mind control, we do it cause it’s natural and nobody likes to be anybody but themselves. If you’re gay, poor or read books of wizardry, we do not care, thats who you are and we don’t force you to be anybody else. In a film about Harvey Milk ( a gay politician killed by the ‘all-american’ former policeman), first lady Rosalynn Carter told him that if he was to convert into a Christian, that he would suddenly be released of his homosexuality. This is exactly what we are against. If you have not seen The hard times of harvey milk, go find it on netflix or blockbuster online, it’s a top-notch film. Speaking of top notch films, lets talk of our first prophet. There are a handfull of prophets which i will announce whenever i feel like it.

Our first prophet is a film maker that is on the top of his game, and to this day has yet to direct, write or produce a nothing but perfect film. This is non other than the brilliant mind of Wes Anderson who’s new film “Darjeeling Limited” looks like a new obsession for me. I mean it has Jason Schwartzman, Adrian Brodey and Owen Wilson playing the leading roles. and visually it looks very wes anderson-esque. I gotta boner already. Check out the newly released trailer from prophet number 1…

xo

Jamiroquaism…

This new coming of age is not going well. I have one member , that is myself. I havn’t done any recruiting  door to door yet, but hopefully once i get a couple members i can dress them up in silly hats and hip clothing and send them out of state on missions so we can spread the word. So who’s going to be the first member? you dont have to get baptized, so you wont have to get all wet, or jump in a fucking river or some stupid shit like that… you just have watch this video

xo

New religion

I’ve seen a lot of ‘not-so-mentally-capable’ people starting religions and gaining huge support. Like that Jesus guy… haha just kidding Christians…

But i had this dream last night, or at least it appeared to be a dream. I was in this world with strobing backgrounds of neon colors and lights. The lights were swirling around, like some type of disco ball. A figure appeared in the distance, i thought it was a robot, but I would be proven wrong when i walked up to the shadowy figure. The silhouette faded and transformed into a man, a white man, with an Adidas track suit doing the robot dance. I reached out and put the back of my hand upon his cheek, “Are you god?”, i whispered with confusion. He didn’t respond, it was as if the vibrations of my speech passed straight through his pinna onto his eardrum, but his eardrum was in sync to his own rhythm. A rhythm with a phat bass line and hella synth. He turned around as to walk away but stood in one place, the lights dimmed and a spot light was placed upon him. He looked over his shoulder back at me and said “hit it”. My inhibitions told me to play this bass that magically appeared into my hands, so i plucked away, and a drummer appeared playing along side me, and then a synthesized organ started howling along with an electric saxophone. The man in the Adidas track suit turned around and belted out this wicked note and i turned my eyes away from this cosmic-band and saw a huge crowd of dancers just gettin’ down, the finest black chicks you’ve ever seen shakin’ their apple bottoms and i even saw ryan gish showin’ off what his mother gave him. It felt right to me and at that instant i knew, this is what life was about. It’s not about finding 90’s music videos on youtube, and it’s defiantly not about getting a killer score on Nintendo 64’s Rush stunt mode. The mans name was spelt out in neon letters 12 feet tall: Jamiroquai. I looked over at him, and he stuck his tongue out and wiggled it around a little .

I then knew it was GOD. I wasn’t having this dream by choice, it was a message. The last thing that i would remember before i awoke the next morning full of life was the words he said to me. He leaned over and whispered in my ear ” You know your part, spread the word, the word of love, peace and Jamiroquai. If you believe that love is in your heart, next time you check inside yourself, love you will find.” Jamiroquai shall not let you down. My name is Eric Loeffler, founder of Jamiroquaism, the next big religion. If you wish to learn the secret of our happiness, just shout me a ‘holler’.

 

 

“If you believe that love is in your heart, next time you check inside yourself, love you will find”

- Jamiroquai 

 

xo

Til his knuckles bled… short story…part 1 series of 4.

Read the beginning of the story written by myself, and I’m recruiting Sam Sabori to write the second part of the random titled short story “Til his knuckles bled”. No real limit as far as length, but keep it wide open for the next writer. Then recruit another blogger to write the 3rd part of the series. We’ll end it at 4 parts.

• Writer one will: Establish a protagonist and create an introduction-Main character: Ryan Gish : age 15

• Writer two will: Introduce an antagonist and create a crisis or tension

• Writer three will: Create the climax!

• Writer four will: Conclude the story and wrap up and untied ends.

Part One

He had a rough night. It was 4:00am and Ryan Gish couldn’t shut his eyes even if his mother was to unclothe right in front of him. This paranoid delusion kept entering his mind. “What if kevin Bacon dies and then all the tremors will come up through the floor in my room and eat my body whole”. All cause of that damned movie he watched on HBO that night. He knew he should have payed attention to that NC17 rating,but it’s teenage nature to rebel when the authority figure is out. His mother was out on another one of her late night romps with some African American guy. What it was about those African Americans that Ms. Gish liked so much, Ryan wouldn’t find out until 3 years later when a trip to check his hotmail went highly unfavorably. Hint: there’s two ways to spell male…

This is where sam comes in.  

aint it strange…

How latinos love astro-vans…

I’m glad that the makers of astro-vans found an audience, because those vans are not attractive as lets say a 1986 toyota van…smooth curves like a submarine, but rugged enough to master any terrain including mud, dirt, soil, grass (as pictured), tree branches, wet soil, dry mud and hail!

xo

The End.

I think it’s quite silly trying to predict the end of the world, or a second coming. I mean, you make a prediction for a certain date, people are looking at you thinking “wow, this guy must be highly important…”, then the date passes, the only thing that happens that day is a drunken celebrity goes to rehab and another celebrity couple that have been together for 2 months is pregnant. Now your the crazy guy who makes incorrect predictions and nobody takes you seriously. You have to be pretty willing to throw your life away if you want to make a prediction for a doomsday. Lets look back historically at some cases:

• Very notable and influential theologist Matin luther believed that the end of the world would occur no later than year 1600.WRONG
• Year 1656 was believed to be the end because it was the years between creation and the flood. WRONG
• 1694:” German prophet Johann Jacob Zimmerman determined that the world would end in the fall of 1694. Zimmerman gathered a group of pilgrims and made plans to go to America to welcome Jesus back to Earth. However, he died in February of that year, on the very day of departure. Johannes Kelpius took over leadership of the cult, which was known as Woman in the Wilderness, and they completed their journey to the New World. Fall came and went and, needless to say, the cultists were profoundly disappointed at having traveled all the way across the Atlantic just to be stood up by Jesus.”

• OK now, this ridiculous looking bloke down below is named Cotton Mather. 1700’s puritan minister, author and pamphleteer. (fucking Jehoahs) He wrote a few religious books, but was well known for holding an important part in the witch trials. But when he wasn’t hunting down witches, he was predicting the end of the world (seeing as he was SUCH an important man)… man he’s gotta big fucking head literally and figuratively…1697 was his first prediction…WRONG… His second prediction was 1716... i bet you’re wondering how this one turned out… WRONG…year 1736, thankfully his last strike…. WRONG… so you make two wrong predictions, typically you dont want to go for a third one, by that time nobody believes you anymore… and the whole thing with the witches, NO SUCH THING FUCKING STUPID HEAD.

 

• April 5 1761: Now this one was pretty comical, it would make a good short film… ” William bell claimed the world be destroyed by an eathquake. The people of London gathered in boats and headed for the high grounds. W hen the date was over, he was thrown into Bedlam, which was london’s notorious Nuthouse!!! hahaha
• The great disappointment: Millerites rev. Samuel snow predicted a second coming on oct 22, 1844. They all gathered on a hill to await the second coming, but he never showed (typical) and the day was known as the great disappointment for millerites.
• Lets talk the confusing religion of Jehova’s Witnesses.. If they arn’t already looked down upon enough, they decide to make numerous predictions…
  • 1874… first prediction
  • 1878…second
  • 1881…third…they’ve learned their lesson by now…
  • 1910…strike four
  • october 1, 1914
  • 1918….they have lost any hope of being respected by anybody besides maybe mormons.
  • 1925… Did i mention that joseph smith, mormonism founder predicted 1891 as the end of the world…WRONG
  • 1941…Silly Jehova’s
  • 1975
• Lets take a break from the Jehovas… lets talk pat robertson , that silly man from the 700 club thats on right before the price is right. Well he made a prediction in the late 1970’s that the world would end in the fall of 1982…”I guarantee you by the end of 1982 there is going to be a judgment on the world” …But people are still following him, WTF???
  • OCT 2, 1984… 10th prediction from the Jehova’s.
  • 1999…11th strike… they are done for now…. thanks …
• Now this lady Marilyn Agee has made numeruose predictions as well. she even has a website that she displays this all on, and she gives out her email and everything, so feel free to give her shit. she made her 6th and 7th predictions  only 8 days apart in 1999.

• Of course year 2000 was a popular year for predictions, i wont even go into it… but check out this religious group…yes they are real…

People are still making predictions as of today. the earliest one is set for august of 2007. There is a trend with religion and these predictions. There is also a trend between religion and people becoming delusional. You would think an advanced civilization like us would learn to take religion in a less conscientious way. Come on people , you’re acting like a bunch of crazys. no more predictions…especially you Jehova’s.

xo

lists of 2

Now i’m not going to lie,this list is made to offend. I feel like i’m on the outside looking in on these trends and events that are happening and being like “thats the fucking stupidest thing i’ve ever seen or heard.” and then it becomes really popular and it’s hard to find other people who coincide with me…

Things that ruined america even more. 

Poker: pretty much all of my friends are playing now, used to be just one of those shows on tv that you would watch and be like :wow these people are pretty worthless if they have all this money, and dont have anything better to spend it on than a game of poker. So basically poker is a gun that shot and killed all of my good friends besides sam.

red neck comedy: living in oregon it’s rare to find people who dislike this brand of comedy. larry, jeff, that drunk guy and the other guy who has a sitcom now, i dont see whats redneck about them. possibly if they were REAL ignorant country folk’ makeing home movies about their everyday life it would be somewhat comical, but they are basically pretending to be something they are not because 55% of americans can relate to the humor. whats redneck about having a lot of fucking money and living in a huge house?
What not to write songs about (or concepts/subjects that have been used far too much):

this list will exclude rap,hip-hop and r&b for the mere fact that they all write about the same stuff and they need to simply stop with their careers.

• “Getting on the dance floor” or the dance floor in general: yes it is a for sure hit single and will be danced to by millions of the trashiest pathetic people on the planet, but that’ll only make you equal to them. Your fans are just a shadow of you {(the songwriter)}
• A bad habit that actually quite a few artists fall into, even some notable artists, is using references to either a certain song, or other artists; now this is especially unforgivable when you use an artists/song that isn’t even in the same genre as you.
  • • Fake example: Using a country artists name in a rap song
    • Real example: Using “…put Sufjan Stevens on, we’ll play your favorite song, chicago….” in your shitty song >:(

People who are sucky:

Peter Wentz: bass player or guitar player for the super suck band fall out boy.  Always in the media for somthing sucky, and he’s gotta big inflated head.

People who are overzealous with their religion. Atheist don’t go around informing people they are atheist, they don’t put bumper stickers on their car to inform the people behind them that they believe in certain things. show your love for god in a more personal way rather than myspace backgrounds and i love god bulletins. do it for your own sake, you look like a bunch of lunatic cult members.

 Cool bands of the month:

Inkwell rhythm makers: alllllll the way from Eugene oregon. unfortunately recently broken up, but a very nice live show they put on, and an even better original sound. rag on down and check em out. buy their cds. support ‘local’ music.

Man Man: Recently toured with modest mouse, and probably stopped because they were outplaying them. A very unique and energetic live show. And their music is a whole lot of fun to listen to, a different style than anybody, the only thing i can compare it to is the Paul McCartney song off of the album Ram titled ‘monkberry moon delight’…

xo

seems like a joke

Today is the 4th of july, the birth of our nation. It’s a great place, we can all think of places that are worse than here, and of course plenty of places better then here. but all in all, seems like a joke to celebrate the birth of our nation at the position we are at currently.

Devendra banhart tickets came in the mail. got the first 2 tickets, so i hope you guys are buying your tickets. You dont get to many opportunities to see a man with such greatness.

xo

bad bad bad

Bad Band names: Most of these bands i dislike their name and their music, but the last 4 i enjoy.

• Bacon brothers
• Anal cunts
• sum41
• Panic! at the disco
• plain white t’s
• Fountains of Wayne
• 98 degrees
• boyz II men
• Presidents of the United States of America
• Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly.
• Death from above 1979
• norah jones
• coconut records

xo