conversations with sam and eric 2

ELOef2323: twerp

thesamsabori: dweeb

ELOef2323: twat

thesamsabori: butthead

ELOef2323: goober

thesamsabori: fart knocker

ELOef2323:

thesamsabori: neenerneenerneener

ELOef2323: i’m telling the recess monitor

thesamsabori: why isnt there anybody onthe internets

ELOef2323: did you connect your friends to your online chat list ?

thesamsabori: i thought i did

ELOef2323: yeah, click on the html hyperlink that says add buddies then type in their social security number

thesamsabori: ok

thesamsabori: whats your social?

ELOef2323: 876-18-9778

ELOef2323: or sumtymes people will instant electronic message you and ask you a/s/l? which is internet for area code/social security number/last name

thesamsabori: oo ok

thesamsabori: now i get it

ELOef2323: who let the dogs out

thesamsabori: jenny

ELOef2323: dog damn it

thesamsabori: remember when kendall gill came to  the arcade shop to sign autographs but we couldnt go because we had to help the family out at the bizarre

ELOef2323: ooo, but we snuck in anyway and we were wearing those masks

ELOef2323: and our dad was there helping out, he was gonna catch us for sure, but we had to risk it

ELOef2323: oh man donnel, me and you have gotten in some trouble

ELOef2323: remember that time we threw a suprise birthday party for you, but you didn’t make the basketball team so you went upstairs cause you were too ashamed to admit it

thesamsabori: shut up dee dee

ELOef2323: you wanna make me ?

thesamsabori: im gonna tell mama

ELOef2323: tell mama and i’ll tell her about what you and goo did to her favorite lamp

thesamsabori: you do that and ill tell papa about that time you were touching yourself in the closet

ELOef2323: i wasn’t touching myself, i uh… i … ehhhh… goo put itching powder in my underwear Donnel!

ELOef2323: but how about i just go tell both mamma and poppa about that time you and goo shoplifted striptease and watched it in goo’s basement under the blankets and a roll of paper towels

thesamsabori: we did not

ELOef2323: yeah right!

ELOef2323: that was the same night when goo snake got loose in the house

ELOef2323: and our sister was pet sitting her best friends rat.

ELOef2323: get er dun sam, or pay the price

thesamsabori: dun

thesamsabori: you should change my hyperlink to samsabori.com

ELOef2323: hell naw

thesamsabori: quit being gay, ill tell your dad

ELOef2323: my dad wont care

ELOef2323: lets see if markie wants to go to food 4 less

(our friend markie got in a car accident when we were suppose to meet her at food 4 less and we felt really bad. )

thesamsabori: hey markie, you wanna go to food for less or get in a car accident? 

 ELOef2323: she would get real fired up angry if we said that

ELOef2323: i went and saw her a couple nights ago

ELOef2323: she was super suck, she wouldn’t even dance with me

thesamsabori: did you go to her quincenera

ELOef2323: yeah

ELOef2323: she had a really nice dress on

thesamsabori: with lots of gold

ELOef2323: and then some croks

ELOef2323: neon green

thesamsabori: tiedye

ELOef2323: hell yes

10 things not to say…

A list developed by Myself and Sam Sabori.

this is: 10 things not to say to your girlfriend or/wife.

10. Spit out your food in the middle of a bite and say “I can’t eat when your wearing those sweat pants”

9. “when we make out , your kisses taste like spicy mustard “

8. Saying your own mothers name while having sex

7. When she’s trying to be romantic and get you in the mood for sexual interactions, you start thinking of an old tv show, and you start to crack a smile but you try to hold in your laugh. She catches you and demands to know whats so funny. Then you say ” uh…nothing honey… i’m soo wet (cause your balls are sweaty)” then she pulls her hand off of your upper theigh and demands you tell her and so you reply ” who’s that one guy from that old show , uh… he’s got black hair…. really short… uh… OH! he says ‘whatchu talkin bout eddie’… you know what i’m talking about? ” Then she says back agressively ” it’s ‘whatchu talkin’ bout willis, and his name is gary coleman… why are you thinking about gary coleman when we’re trying to make love?!!! you know what, i’m not in the mood anymore!”

6. ” I’m gonna start calling you sharp tooth because of that one tooth that looks really sharp.”

5. “could you put on some make up before we go to your parents house, i don’t want to be embarrassed”

4. When she is really happy cause you guys are having a fun night, and you are in the car driving home , listening to music, she gets super into the song and starts singing pretty enthusiastically tell her ” uh… could you sing in tune or not sing at all”

3. Fist pump when she tells you she’s on her period. (that means she’s not preggo)

2. when she asks “do i look fat?” just say “no, just your face does”

1. Cunt

dancing on our graves

The single from The Cave Singers gets me pretty wet… I mean i start sweating all over cause i’m bobbing my head real hard.

I believe they are playing in eugene with hillstomp on the 1st of december. if anybody is going up there that date and want to take me let me know.

Here is a new crackerfarm video of those god damned Avett brothers… they are very capable of getting me wet, both from sweating real hard and from crying my fucking eyes out…

the day after the day after thanksgiving

I had a conversation with a certain Sam Saboner today regarding our humor. Let me explain;

When me and Sam go to Black Bear Diner (which was once), we have a game where we see how many bear jokes we can throw into our dinner conversation. I believe they do something similar on Comedians of Comedy. It’s a great tradition. Well my girlfriend Jenny (yes, she is again my girlfriend) and I went to Black Bear Diner and i explained to her the rules, and was pretty excited to get started. Well i made bear joke after bear joke, not even a smile out of her, nor any bear jokes on her end. Then just now while talking to sam we realized how unfunny boyfriends are to their girlfriends. Once when we were all just getting to know our lovers, we were the funniest person they ever met, now our humor just pisses them off if anything. But at least Sam and myself will always have each other to laugh at.

  

Let me update you on somethings.

• I was preapproved for a target card
• I was fired from sears along with about 5 other guys for some bullshit
• People shopping on black friday thing they are ghosts and can walk through people
•  The Griswolds are americas favorite family says I
• People are already getting their fucking christmas trees, can you believe that ?
• People go nuts for Christmas!And me, i’m agnostic, but i’ll put on my fake Christmas smile for things i don’t necessarily believe just because i want some video games and other things…
• I dont know why we don’t have a day of mourning on the days where the devil succeeded in creating larry the cable guy and jeff foxworthy beef jerky.

sam

sammy sosa

conversations with erin ingle

ELOef2323 (1:00:55 AM): hey

erin the ingle (1:01:14 AM): hey eric

erin the ingle (1:01:19 AM): bad timing, i’m going to bed

ELOef2323 (1:01:21 AM): i cant talk for long, but i thought i could at least say hello and ask if you’ve had any good titty fucks?

ELOef2323 (1:01:23 AM): good

erin the ingle (1:01:46 AM): tons of ‘em!

erin the ingle (1:01:49 AM): all the time!

erin the ingle (1:01:50 AM): lol

erin the ingle (1:02:02 AM): eww sorry i lol’ed

ELOef2323 (1:02:35 AM): haha, do they usually end up with cum all over your neck and under your chin ?

erin the ingle (1:02:59 AM): yeah

erin the ingle (1:03:04 AM): its awesome!

ELOef2323 (1:03:02 AM): or do they go from the other end so that the butt hole is right in your nose

erin the ingle (1:03:14 AM): either way

erin the ingle (1:03:19 AM): i’m pretty open

ELOef2323 (1:03:20 AM): yeah. sure, me too

erin the ingle (1:03:31 AM): lol

erin the ingle (1:03:37 AM): aahh again

ELOef2323 (1:03:36 AM): well if you ever wanna titty fuck, just let me know, i’ll bring the condoms

erin the ingle (1:03:52 AM): aight, it’ll be great

erin the ingle (1:04:01 AM): haa

erin the ingle (1:04:07 AM): goodnight eric!

erin the ingle (1:04:11 AM): lovely chat

ELOef2323 (1:04:31 AM): goodnight

ELOef2323 (1:04:41 AM): i’ll blog it

sam and eric conversation

iroba S a m (11:10:31 PM): waaaaaaasaaaaaaaaaaap

ELOef2323 (11:10:33 PM): aaaaaaaa

iroba S a m (11:11:00 PM): aaaaa

ELOef2323 (11:12:16 PM): aaaaaaaaaa

iroba S a m (11:13:44 PM): aaaaa

ELOef2323 (11:14:31 PM): aaaaaaaaa

ELOef2323 (11:17:13 PM): aaaaa

iroba S a m (11:17:25 PM): AAAAAAA

ELOef2323 (11:17:28 PM): EEEAaaaa

iroba S a m (11:19:28 PM): aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ELOef2323 (11:20:08 PM): aaaaaahhhheeeaaaa

 

 

Yep 10 minutes of conversation….

 

xo

not titled

So today i was thinking about how text messages of any sort, (myspace comments, AIM conversations, phone text messages, email, hand writen letters) how they can get misconstrued based upon the amount of curse words i use. For example :

• Hey, have fun at your fucking movie, thanks for fucking inviting me though.

Compared to:

• Hey, have fun at your movie, thanks for inviting me though

The first one sounded like i was angry and that i didn’t appreciate the person inviting me to the movies, and it didn’t sound like i wanted them to have fun at the movie. But the second one sounded like i DID appreciate the invite and i DID wish that they would have fun at the cinemas. So some advice; the less curse words you use, the more genuine you sound.

School makes it hard to blog. i usually am stressed… sorry if i have any readers besides sam left. Today at work, i was talking to this guy who works in the back room loading boxes and doing all that shit work for less pay than myself, and all i do is help costumers, i was trying to convince him to come over and work with me in my department and  then a costumer comes up  and i’m ringing this guy up, and he started talking about how his dad cut up his sears card after 50 years because of all the mexicans who work at sears now a days. and the guy i was talking to was very much hispanic. Then the costumer left and i turned around to him and was like .. uh yeah, ps, there are a lot of ignorant red necks who shop here at sears, but don’t worry, they always suck up when they are talking to someone of a different race.

So I am single unfortunately.

I thank the following artists for helping me through :

1. The Avett Brothers
2. Elliott Smith
3. The Beatles (let it be especially)
4.  Ryan Adams
5. Dr. Dog

I would be sad because i got left by a girl that i adored, I would be sad for the love i’ve had before.

and if For any reason Jenny would be reading this (very unlikely) i miss you very much.

xo